Taking Responsibility – by Lynn Harnack, MA
So something that speaks to me is this idea of empowerment and how to have more of it. When clients come into my office I often times will see this theme that others may be responsible for what has happened in their life. While this is very true there does come a point when we need to start looking into our part in the situation otherwise we will start to feel powerless.
First, let me define the word empowerment- according to Merriam-Webster dictionary it means-
“to give official authority or legal power to, enable or to promote the self-actualization or influence of”
If I think about this it either means I am letting someone else act on my behalf or I am acting on my own behalf and taking charge of my own life without harming others. Of course my purpose in writing this is to focus on the latter.
Now this doesn’t mean that you are not supposed to be upset about what others have done in the past, however, it does mean that you can take responsibility for how you feel now and how you respond to the situation. There is so much here, if you are able to see how you are dealing with it now you can start to heal an old or “young” wound.
I hear so often in society that “you must move on or get over it” well here it is- You cannot get over something!! Instead think of it as moving through the situation in a new mindful way. It is almost like you are re-writing history in order to close the wound. A lot of clients come into my office speaking of issues that happened when they were younger, which as we know is very common. Well, back then when you were a child you were powerless and often times someone bigger and stronger did something that created some sort of mental injury. Which is not fair, however, what happens is instead of closing the wound you are reliving it over and over which is basically like you are doing it to yourself.
So, how to live an empowered life you ask? Well, the first step is to slow down, notice how you feel in this moment; my guess is it is how you felt when you were younger. Then ask yourself what can I do about it now and how can I think about the situation and person now? Notice that I am not focusing on the past; I am having you focus on yourself, here and now. This is an important step to feeling empowered, as a child you were powerless, as I stated before, however, here and now as an adult you are capable.
I asked a pretty important and triggering question- “How can I think about the situation and person now?” And the point of this question is to one- allow you to become in touch with how you do feel. Do you feel angry, hurt, etc..? Are you allowed to feel these emotions? And the second point is what you can do now in order to heal from this situation. How does it serve you to hold onto the idea that the other person who did you wrong is solely responsible for how you are living now?
